Why am I so angry?

I have been so angry these past two weeks. I understand that the world is going through hard times and that there are people suffering. I am grateful for my family and that they have been healthy and safe so far. But I am still angry. I don’t like to be angry, I do not want to be angry. But I am mad at the world. 

It’s not my freshman year. It’s not my sophomore year. It’s not my junior year. This is my year. My SENIOR YEAR. Some of my family have told me, “So what? So what you get to get out of school, so why do you complain or why are you upset?” I am upset because my whole life I have looked forward to what’s in store for my senior year. My whole life I have worked my hardest to achieve my goals and worked my hardest to get straight A’s. So at the end of my senior year I can walk across the stage knowing I lived my life to the fullest and did everything right. I’ve dreamt of going on that senior class trip with all my friends. I’ve dreamt of my senior night with all my family and posters supporting me. I’ve dreamt of going to sports events and city championships. I’ve dreamt of wearing the perfect dress beside the perfect date at prom. And throwing my cap up in the air at graduation. I’ve dreamt all of these for a long time and now I’ve gotten to a state of mind where I am unmotivated because I feel as if everything has been taken away from me when I have done everything right. 

Yes I am angry. And yes I am sad. Even writing this hurts and makes me sob. But this is the reality of the world. My heart goes out to all that have lost their jobs or didn’t make rent. To those who have lost family. I still have my friends, my family, and my amazing boyfriend. I am one of the lucky ones and I realize that. When I am angry or upset I think back to those who have it harder and there are plenty that do. Thinking of people like that is what makes me even more appreciative of what I have.